One Life, One love

–

One life,

One promise,

One that I can not keep,

I said I would come for you,

Now that is broken,

His bullet stung me,

One love,

Two pistols,

One points in my heart,

He says I stole you,

He doesn’t know that you love me,

One life,

Two bullets,

One dies in a kiss of gunpowder,

Now his bullet sticks deep in my heart,

Now you belong to him,

He will not spare his target,

The blood runs from my mouth,

In vain I die,

But all is forgiven,

Honor fulfilled,

Red sand,

Doves refresh on my blood,

The end comes,

But I am finally good for something.

So finally, this whole storm is over with Iris and her mom. She may not be able to drive yet, but we were able to see each other yesterday, and her mom is letting us go so the Sadie Hawkins dance. Now the only problem is that Iris’s Hell Week for their stage production is coming up, so I can expect to not see her until Friday, hopefully talk to her, though. I am planning to see their stage production of “West Side Story,” mostly so I can see her afterward, but I am a fan of stage theater. As far as my future goes, not a bad outlook. I have my temporary license, and I’m practicing driving so I can take my road test and finally have my license. I am 18 now, so I’ll be able to find a job much easier, and Iris has gotten rid of the people that have hurt her. I think things are finally going to settle down now. The Storm is over.

The only thing that haunts every fiber of my being is Iris leaving me. I don’t know why, but that thought looms over my head like a new storm cloud. I don’t expect her to do anything, but it lies heavy on my mind. Another thought is her cheating with somebody else. We have both cheated before (but she was the one I cheated with.) She loves me enough to where (I hope) she wouldn’t cheat, but people have impulses, and she might go away for college. In my mind, your body is the biggest gift that you can give someone. Physical love is the biggest sign of love there is. That’s why it scares me.

It’s been about a week since I last saw Iris, and I really miss her. She is a light in my life, and I really need to see her again. We’re not broken up or anything, but we’re going through a situation, and her mom has banned me from seeing her. I think that it’s unfair, and it’s just plain cruel. The worst thing about it, though, is that I can’t do anything about it. I want to just see her smile again. I want to be in her arms, and hold her. I currently have no life other than her, and the thing that makes me happy is being ripped away from my arms. I hope this passes, really soon.

Will you let me love you

Will you let me in

Will you let me hold you

Will you let me care

All these things I want

You mean so much to me

It’s because I love you

You have seem to let me in

You let me in already

Prepared your heart for me

Will I let you..

Prepare my heart for love?

I know you love me so

And you will trust me

But can I trust you

To know who I am?

My mind is a scary place

A place I like to hide

Somewhere few have gone

And held me in their arms after

You seem so perfect

You care about me more,

More than I could ever know

I’m letting you in now..

Please come to me now.

Iris and I talked about college. She wants to move to the other side of the state for a year, and of course, being the person I am, don’t want her to. Not only do I just absolutely want to be with her, but I worry about what could happen. She could cheat, or find some other guy that she loves more. Love, not my favorite word at the moment. It pleases and tortures, soothes, yet burns, A blessing but a curse. Love is so fragile, and I can’t stand to not have it. Iris is the absolute best thing that has ever happened to me, and I don’t want to lose her. I love her but love may be the very thing that rips her out of my arms.

On the other hand, maybe this might be a good thing. I will find a place of my own, and just be able to be alone, even if I don’t want to be. Iris says it’s for personal growth but I couldn’t care. She is the only growth I need. I am completely sound with who I am, and I don’t need to grow. I need to grow in her. I need her. She knows why.

I just hope this changes. For the sake of both of us.

Call of the Warrior

–

O’ Warriors!

Mighty warriors,

Ready yourselves for battle,

Some will live and some will die,

Make ready to rip through flesh,

You will claim souls,

Red blood will flow,

As life expires,

Strong Warriors,

Have you ready your sharp blades?

To clash against steel,

Break armor,

Tear flesh,

Shatter bone,

And fight until pain of death,

Powerful warriors,

Have you ready your rifles,

The barrel cleaned and polished,

Pull the trigger and death explodes,

The hunting bullet they can not stop,

Seeks out their heart and pierces,

And the enemy crumples to the ground,

Great warriors,

Have you your armor,

The steel- metal skin,

Like dragonscale protects?

Is the breastplate strapped tight?

Does the helm fit?

For it is your only lifeline,

Now go,

Mighty warriors,

Go into battle,

And fight,

Not to win,

But fight to die,

Brave warriors,

Because in our death,

We only grow stronger,

The devil awaits,

Fear in his eyes,

Because we are warriors,

With strength 100 thousand abreast,

The enemy will not scare us,

Nor will the grave,

Attack warriors,

Attack with might of the bear,

And courage of the lion,

For we are warriors,

Mighty, strong, powerful, great,

Warriors,

O’ warriors

Love in the United States
Monday night on ABC you have the Bachelor followed by The Conveyor-Belt of Love and then there is all of these commercials about romantic movies because of Valentines Day coming up in a month and a half. Something about this really disgusts me. Yea, so it makes great television but seriously are people so desperate to find someone that they have to go on these ridiculous television shows? I would love to fall in love and live happily ever after but I that that person will come into my life in our own time and things will be better. All of these men and women who go on these shows are forcing love into their life. Are you really that upset and unhappy with your life you will do anything and everything to find happiness. I feel that you should be able to love yourself and love your life before you can really truly love someone. I understand that I am young and maybe don’t understand everything but something isn’t right here. Didn’t humanity go through thousands of years finding people to love without these dating websites and television shows? People have been happy this entire time letting love find its way into their live. Yes it may be a different culture but I find it really disgusting. It’s late so I’m gonna head to bed because this show is really disturbing. Guys just parading in front of women in order to get a date. Girls fighting each other to grab a date and in their eyes most of the time they’re just looking for a body. Yes there are some people out there looking for true love but if they have that great of a heart and intentions they shouldn’t have any problem finding someone to fall in love with. Guys (or girls) should be lining up to date them. I believe the God will put someone in your life when you’re ready and evidentally none of them are truly ready for a relationship that they haven’t actually looked hard enough to find someone where they’re from. That’s just my thoughts as I’m sitting here watching this show.

So there’s this book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman and at SpringHill every summer I have heard this book title. Of course, I don’t own it nor have I read it but my brother and his girlfriend are going to be reading it together so I’m going to read it after my brother finishes it. But I think this book is just really unique and somewhat amazing. The five love languages Chapman have are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. Basically this book is about how you express your love and how you like to receive love. I think its a really good book to read if you’re in a long-term, committed relationship. I know before I get married I’m going to have my fiance (whoever that may be) read this book and discuss it with me. I understand a good way to know if someone is compatible with you is if you receive and give love in similar ways.
I’m with my cousins right now in Frankenmuth so I can’t really explain everything I would like to but I’ll send you to this website so you can learn more about this. I wish I had more time to tell you about all of this but I do not right now.
Iris
Remember to send your topics to Reflections.in.my.Iris@gmail.com
And here’s the website for you
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-five-love-languages/

It’s me.. IRIS!!!!!!!!!  Haha.. so I convinced Josh to let me become a part of JoshUtopia (or JU because that seems a lot shorter) and so now I’m going to be blogging on here.. and possibly still on my BlogSpot but I think I would get some more comments/feedback on here.  I actually posted a blog earlier today on my blogspot so I’ll be transferring that over pretty soon.  I actually just got added on here so I am not leaving a huge message but I thought I would invade a little bit now and continue to take over from now on in.. haha.. jk Josh!  And my English is going to bug the begebers (spelling) out of the English Nazi that Josh can be.  But for now, goodnight because unlike Josh, I am not an insomniac.  More blogs from Iris coming soon.  Also any ideas about what I should blog about or just have questions for me.. email them to reflections.in.my.iris@gmail.com

So Today I went to the church that Iris goes to. Woodside Bible. The church was stunningly big (coming from a guy whose church has about 45-50 people MAX. They obviously have money, because their regular service was like one at our huge three- district conference. But the most important part of it was spending time with Iris, whom I had not seen for a few days. I also made a big impact on her parents as well, which is good. I seem to be making progress in winning her parents over. However, I miss cuddling an being close with her. We are going to the Sadie Hawkins dance next weekend, which is as close as we’re going to get for now, but it works. I’m willing to use what becomes available. I’m out of my mental breakdown state and I’m ready to face life again. I think that having a buddy of mine over helped that a little.

My ex girlfriend sent me a text message saying that “I’m sorry that I wasn’t good enough for you. I don’t try to think of you because it hurts to much. Don’t worry though, I’m not going to be the obsessive ex.” Those words fell cold to deaf ears. I did not want to hear them, but I know that I need closure, and so does she. It’s the least that she deserves. I’m trying to think of a way to apologize while trying to not hurt her again. I don’t like hurting people, at least emotionally, unless they’re going to hurt me. This is going to be an interesting life that I’m going to get in for a while, but I always have Iris, who is someone that brings calm to my chaos. I love you Iris Bentley, Happy valentine’s day!!